A Final Confession Before The Year Ends

Stop the press!

Okay. Those who visited (and read) here often than they make hopia in Quiapo, might think they know me. Well here are some things which I bet you don't know about me.

1. I am a gadget addict. If there is a Gadget Anonymous somewhere, I am bound to join it. I have 4 phones, a psp, an ipod touch, an mp3 player, 2 cameras, a portable dvd player with screen, and of course, a laptop. Come February, I plan to buy a PDA and/or upgrade my laptop. Questions?

2. When I retire, I plan to live in Vanuatu and make either: an orchard and a greenhouse, and a bed/breakfast with a bar by the beach (so much for alliterations here!).

3. I love to cook. I think it is a soothing way to ease stress and at the same time, feed the hungry souls. I am good in making chinese (stir fry and chow mein), but I guess I also fare better with Filipino foods.

4. I make my room cozy and comfy (to the point of spending some money) where ever I go (be it in Ethiopia, Myanmar, Vanuatu or Manipur). I believe that after a day's work, a man's haven should be reassuring and welcoming. I also think that a person's room tell so much about himself.

5. I feel uneasy if I have no money in my wallet.

6. I like wearing boot-legged jeans.

7. I have about 41 sweaters, jackets and coats in my room in Manipur. It is this second hand thing, you see. They are cheap, accessible and just plain good. I have almost every brand and designer from Hilfigger to Ralph Lauren to some unknown punk from Korea. I also own 2 leather lined jackets and a real leather jacket. It is a hard work putting them all in a such a small space.

8. I have a fear in riding bicycles and motorbikes -- owing to my accident last 2004 in Vanuatu.

9. I keep japanese porn in my room. This was bought while I was on Holiday in Bangladesh. I was looking for Tropic Thunder and was "en-thrusted" with Tia Tanaka video. I swear I watched it only twice (because my dvd player broke).

10. I am a bit of obsessive -compulsive cum control freak. I don't like it when things run out of schedule or when the picture on the wall is askew.

11. I have allergies to virtually anything: dust, pollen, odor, cat hairs, Ibuprofen, Metronidazole, taro, ube (yam), shrimps and crabs, etcetera, ad infinitum. I had the worst attack in Vanuatu when I took a bite of taro laplap (the national food) and soon found my self having anaphylactic shock.

12. I have started smoking (again).

There --- 12 things you have not known about me... or maybe you did but haven't confirmed yet. I can't change most of the things mentioned here, but I will still have to go back to my previous post on New Year's Resolutions and start writing action plans.

And now that you know me, you can call me dude.

Bihar: A Recollection Of The Year That Was

I wanted to share with all of you an experience from Bihar, India. It was an eye opener for me and the rest of the team members who shared their time and energy to serve the victims of the Koshi River. I hope you all will like this video I made.

Bits and Pieces

I receive a call from Anam today. I was waiting for him to call since last month but it seems like there were problems contacting me. He gave me some good news, and of course some Christmas, New Year's and advanced birthday greetings - all at the same time. Anam was my assistant/translator/friend while I was in Myanmar. He made me feel like I'm family and made my stay in Maungdaw very memorable. I sincerely hope and pray that he will be successful in this (planned) endeavour. I also hope that he will have the courage and perseverance to fulfill his dreams.

I read all my emails today. I counted about 20 friends encouraging me about this blog. Although Matchmaker Marie wanted to edit things (the typos, she said), I am happy that she volunteers to be my editor when I have a hard copy (read: book) in the future (dream on, boy!). Eve's was a refreshing welcome. We have met briefly in the Philippines, but like Marie, I feel like I have known her for ages! Claudette, whom I haven't seen for sometime (and talked with) gave an equally encouraging response. Classmates from university (Joan, Greg) have also been kind to acknowledge my efforts here. There are more, of course, but to mention everyone would be like roll call in high school. To everyone, thank you so much...

Finn is right about Big Butts. It was Sir Mix-a-lot singing that and not MC Hammer. Ka kipay, dude!

I have finished the first season of Breaking Bad. It was awesome. I am a fan of TV series (the good ones, that is). I won't tell you about it, but should it come out on the small screen or on DVD's, watch it.

The flu took my sense of humour, my sense of taste and smell. I can feel my sense of hearing slowly going away because of blowing so much snot. Not the white snot, but the black and brown ones of New Delhi. I miss snot white and the seven whatevers....

Well, where ever you are..... I hope that you have had a wonderful year -- challenging and fulfilling at the same time. I hope for all the best next year -- and I sincerely think that you should leave comments herein.

Vilefying the Vagrant Virus

I am sick today. Really.

I have been feeling a bit low for the past days. You know, just having the virus hang in my system for sometime, but not necessarily attacking me. Yesterday, Mr. V got victorious. Halfway through the shopping expidition at Sarojini Nagar Market in Delhi, I felt dizzy and feverish. Of course, even when one is not sick, he/she'd feel dizzy in Sarojini, but for me, it was unusual. Me, getting dizzy during shopping? Me dizzy, when I just bought a new mobile phone (Samsung SGH F480 Touch)???

So I decided to wake up late, hoping that the bug will go away. I starve the MF'ing bug, but it did not go away. Here I am now, suffering with a painful and parched throat, a runny nose (I looked like Rudolph), a fever, headache and a really bad back pain. In fact, as I type down my thoughts, I probably look like a fish out of water -- open mouth and flared nares.

I don't want to write about this, but I figured I have to share with you all my laurels, my crisis and definitely my illnesses. Friends need to know what friends feel, right? And oh, yeah. I got this from friends. Mr. V was just running around the expatriates trying to victimize everyone.

Anyways, I have been hooking up on the net trying to find a quick remedy for this thing. I have read something about honey, lemon and tea (which incidently is what I am drinking now), and just taking a good soothing rest. How can, in Barok's name can someone rest with a headache and backpains? Aber? How can I fall asleep in the middle of the day when there are a hundred men outside (working on a construction), banging and talking in an endless cacophony of nonesense?

So, here I am now, red-eyed, facing the computer waiting for the evening to come. At least I could have the house dimmed and take a much needed rest. (I am all alone in the house, by the way.... hmmm)

But for now, I give up.

Maybe I'll fight this virus with Old Monk (rum) and coke. That'll teach him to infect me.

Any suggestions on the dosage?

Heart Breaking Christmas Story

I received a call from a friend on Christmas day. I was already asleep when the phone rang. She was in a pub somewhere -- nursing her broken heart - on Christmas day (did I say that already?). She said that after about a year of being together, he decided to call it quits -- on Christmas day! I asked if she was okay and if there is someone with her now (she's bound to make bad decisions when she's gorging on alcohol). She said it doesn't matter because she's sober and intends to go home to her mom's house. She also added that her boyfriend is marrying someone else -- someone who his family had arranged for him.

That was a bummer because nobody gets dumped on Christmas!

A few months ago, when I was introduced to her and her (ex-) boyfriend (who is in the military, by the way), they were planning to have the wedding set on February 14. It will be a love marriage. They met when she was working in Bangalore, and he was stationed there. The guy seemed nice and seemed sincere. He was a gentleman and my friend was gushing all over him.

And so it was that this fairy tale of a love affair in traditional India ends.

I didn't sleep well not because I feel sorry for my friend (I do! I do!), but because in these modern times, half of the world is still bound on traditions. I have nothing against traditions, in fact I love them. I believe that it should be followed for this not only gives us the cultural identity, but it makes draws us closer to our comfort zones. I guess you could say that I am a modern guy with deeply rooted traditional values. At my age, I still mano to my grandparents.

However, when it comes to love, I believe that it should be an individual choice. My mother will not be sleeping with whomever I choose, nor will she have any say in my daily life as a married (or partnered) man. I am lucky to have been born and brought up in a society where the freedom of choice is both a right and a privilege. How many people in this world were given this chance?

I can only feel bad for my friend. I know that she will survive this. She is beautiful and intelligent and kind and successful. She may not belong to the same caste system as this guy is, but she will definitely rise above them all.

I wish, in closing, for women all over the world to have the courage to overcome all circumstances, the freedom to choose and the will to persevere.

Christmas chibai!

A Christmas Greeting

merry christmas to all!

I have received some good news recently. I think it is an early early Christmas and birthday present. I have been accepted to go on a training in Brussels, Belgium this February 1-13, 2009. I can't give details about it now, but I shall try to post some pics WHEN I am there.

I wish all of us will have a fine Christmas. In a very uncertain world, the only thing that we can depend upon on is the TRUTH that a divine being is looking after us - no matter what religion we belong to.

I wish for a lot more things, but I guess these will not happen in my lifetime.

Anyways, enjoy the blessings of the season and share the joys with everyone.

Feliz navidad!

Rueing at Resolutions

Redefining life for a purpose?

When I was in the fourth grade, I did a Bart Simpson. My seatmate, Esmeraldo, who happened to be the shortest guy in the class (yes, there were people shorter than me) was teasing me with the certified up and coming bitch (I don’t know a better word, sorry) classmate. He was claiming that I “wanted” to feel her up and kiss her. That corrupted me. In my young and innocent mind, I retorted that maybe he “wanted” to do “IT” with the girl. I said the word IT in the local dialect, which is not so sexy. And of course, not so right. The teacher heard it and punished me by filling the board with: “I will not speak bad words again”. The teacher, who was a former nun running after Mother Theresa, called the principal, the department head and my mother. Hell was no punishment for a fourth grader who said fuck in his dialect. This was.

I thought about this now funny episode in my ordinary life when I was asked what my New Year resolutions are. I don’t really make them, because I believe in doing things on a day to day basis. That way, I could monitor my tasks and responsibilities, plus I could correct mistakes right there and then.

But then, after giving it some thoughts, I realized that I have to redefine my goals. I have been moaning and groaning over a couple of things for the past year and I haven’t really done anything about them. (Cue in Eric Clapton’s Change the World into the background, please.)Well, Esmeraldo, eat your heart out because this is the most comprehensive list of New Year’s resolutions you will ever see:

1. I will reduce my alcohol intake – and will only drink the following: beer, champagne, gin, rum, whisky, wine and vodka ONE AT A TIME. I will not mix my drink so I will not have a freaking hang over the next day.

2. I will start investing money for the future. Problem is I don’t have money yet. Maybe when I make it to Fortune 500 or something.

3. I will try several positions in the Kama Sutra – as soon as I find someone who is limber enough. And of course, that goes without saying that I would be strong enough to carry and toss someone around.

4. I will exercise on a regular basis (I think this is the most difficult one to follow).

5. I will not swear (loudly) in front of everyone, especially in front of priests and nuns.

6. I promise that I will use prophylactics every time. Marie was freaked out when she read that I wanted to stay in THAT hotel in Ermita. She thought that it would be a brothel, and that I would indulge myself in wanton sexual abandon. Well, Ermita, indeed has a lot of brothels, but I wanted to stay at Eurotel because they give out free Crispy Pata for stays more than 8 hours. What is wrong with brothels serving crispy pata anyway?

7. I promise not to make fun of less perfect people. I know that life, for me, will not be fun, but I can survive. I will just make fun of their English.

8. I promise to buy better ear plugs so I won't have to wake up every 3 am when they play the church songs here in Manipur. I know that they are praising God, but hey, He becomes tired of listening to the same tuneless hymn every day!

9. I promise to try to contact friends regularly. I hope Jennifer Aniston replies also.

10. I promise not to make promises.

There. I have made my resolutions. I hope that this satisfies the good Bart in me. It is not a comeuppance, but more of whim. I have no intentions of redefining my life – how else would you know me then? Here's hoping for a prosperous year for all of us!

Going Giardia

I confess. Until a couple of weeks ago, I have had the worse diarrhea ever. I know that it grosses out some of my friends (particularly Norie) but I am doing this shit story for medical reasons.
As you know, I came back from Bihar last October (the day that I started this blog, actually) and have suffered on the last days in that flood-stricken place. Two days before I finished my work there, I have had severe cramps and explosive foul-smelling diarrhea of the worst kind. I know I either have amoeba or giardia, because I have trodden the shit-laden flood waters of the Bihar. All in a day’s work, you say.

Let me describe the cramps. They occur in no particular time, worst on an empty stomach and much more worse if you have eaten something. You feel a sudden cold sweat running down your spine, followed by a creepy tingling sensation on your skin. The cramps would then set in, starting from the stomach, down to the rectal valve. The next thing you know, you have to head to the nearest bush, praying that a snake will not nip your butt. The bad thing about it is that I am on the go most of the time. I am either walking to assess a village or doing a clinic in a place where the toilet floats in water.

Let’s go now to the smell. So there you are squatting in the bush, feeling nonchalantly like it’s a natural thing, and at the same time trying not to have your trousers and shoes smudged by the greenish watery excreta. You then smell an odor like no other. You think if hell smells like this, then you are probably on it. I can’t fully describe it, but it seems like a mixture of rotten fish and mushroom.

Now the noise. Not only does the sound from the stomach seem upsetting, but the explosion which follows after the shit escapes the cavern is tremendous. I swear people who pass by in that bush must have thought that a nuclear bomb exploded somewhere.

Uh-oh. I will not describe how it looks. I have some responsibilities to readers here. Grossing you out is NOT my intention here. As I said, this is purely medical.

Anyways, so I took Metronidazole, the medicine of choice for this condition (for giardiasis and amoebiasis). Well guess what – I have allergies to Metronidazole! So there I was, having an explosive shit and at the same scratching myself to death! Try to do that for an exercise!
I stopped metronidazole because I looked like Yoda in rashes. Fuck the stomach pains, to hell with the diarrhea. I will not walk around town with a pouting lip, swollen eyes and skin like a duck. I couldn’t eat anything oily, spicy or salty – which is like all the food here in India – so I ended up losing 5 kilos. (I bet Marie France Slimming or Vicky Belo couldn’t do that).

I suffered for like 5 weeks. I go to work and end up running back to the house and straight into the toilet. Nights would be spent running the tap so my house mates will not hear the explosion on the third floor. I have learned to cough along with the musical evacuation and have mastered the technique of moving the buckets around to mute the rectal melodies.

I am cured now. After two Sundays of going to church, God has healed me – not! I took some alcoholic herbal drink which tastes funny but makes you drunk anyway. I’m not going to promote it here but hey.. it really does work. I now scoff at those who make loud noises in the toilet.

Believe it. I am not just making shit here.

VSAT Vwesit

Our internet server has been down the past few days, so I was stuck with outbox of mails waiting for the second coming of Jesus Christ. It is supposed to be the best here in Manipur, because of its speed and accessibility. Like you could have 100 MBPS on a regular cool day (don't laugh now, not everyone is blessed with that!) and divide it by four on shitty days. Aren't you amaze how technology moves forward while the rest of us moves 50 centuries backward? Let me your song Alanis Morisette!

My concern lies not in my outbox, really. Like who cares whether the medical coordinator wants to now if all staff have been vaccinated? Or whether the stock needing their gaps reviewed, or a protocol needs revision? My concern is this effing blog!!! The other day, I was so worried that Norie will have nothing to read, she will actually resort to reading the dailies.

Surprisingly, since I have not visited the past few days, the visitor counter rose up to 570++!! Beat that Galileo Galilee!!

That aside, I am so pissed with this VSAT (our provider), and honestly, I dont even know what that means!! VSAT may stand for Verbal Saturation Access Telecommunication. Or Very Saturated Access Terminal. Or Via Special Air Transfer. Or simply Variable Sending And Timing.

Anyways, it is back now and it is not sending any information out. I have to ask our ICT guy to have a look before I send out a message. Life in the fast lane. Well... gotta send this before VSAT dies on me again.

Very Sexual And Terrific!

A Hard Look at Sports (or my lack of it)

“So… do you like football?”

It was afternoon tea time and while I was reviewing the charts, one of the staff came to me and asked me a very discriminating question. It took me a while to answer because – admittedly – I am too lame for sports. I could never remember a sport that I am good at.

Partly, I blame my mother because she never encouraged me to sweat it out. While my brother would get extra allowance for uniforms, shoes and sports equipments, I got extra money for book club memberships and choir uniforms. While he spends time playing every Saturday, I would be locked up in a pretend world or escaping to a distant land. No I did not smoke pot at that age – I was simply enjoying reading and watching movies. When we reached high school , loads of girls were after my brother for the prom; I got the class beauty queen.

At university, I actually considered going into sports. I tried bowling (I thought the ball was heavy), basketball (I wasn’t tall enough), baseball (I am near sighted), and swimming (I have fear of deep waters). I was okay at badminton and I was beginning to like it, but then the students' council responsibilities came and that came to a halt.

All my friends in the university are good at basketball. I was good in Chemistry. I have friends who are good in volleyball. I was always very good in English and composition.

While in Ethiopia, I pretended to love football during the world cup because there was free beer. The staff would bet on the teams and those who support the loosing team would buy beer. In Myanmar, I would be the medic and the team manager - not the player.

So when the guy asked me if I love football, I cringed at the thought because I don't want to lie. I just gave a generic answer: "Not so much, because I don't really support any team."

But honestly, I think I should start now - with the enlarging belly and the paleness of my skin, I should try something. Wrestling perhaps, or sepak takraw, or even join the marathon.

I'll think about it after I finish exercising my hands. I have been lifting this glassful of vodka tonic for the past hour now.

Wait. When will beer drinking be considered a sport?

Song Sung Blue

I woke up with a tune in my head. It always happen. Like a couple of days ago, the kick ass team (that's what we are called here) was preparing a number for the national staff. Something of a first -- in all my missions. So we were practicing to I'll Be There For You by the Rembrandts (theme from Friends) and the entire night, I wasn't able to sleep a wink because I can see Jennifer Aniston's round face jumping up and down - endlessly - to the refrain of that song.

I had this tune in my head today. Weird. Not the Friends theme, but something from Sesame Street.

"Who are the people in your neighborhood, in your neighborhood..."

What the ...? I have no idea but it just keeps on going. I tried to erase it with rock, or hum James Blunt's Same Mistake, and later segue-ing to Mano Chao, but still the Sesame Street song continued.

"yeah who are the people in your neighborhood, the people that you meet each day..."

David, one of our doctors here was talking to me, and I sort of answered something, but still Sesame Street ruled my brain.

So, feeling desperate, I took a walk to the clinic with my ipod blasting on my phones, hoping that this irritating tune would vanish.

I saw Daniel, our clinic manager, while he was bending over the generator. He was singing " I love big butts..." by MC Hammer. I couldn't hold it - I burst out laughing. I never expected this guy to sing this song.

He was successful in helping me take out Sesame Street Song. Now all I have to do is to find a song to take Big Butts off my mind.

A New Crisis: Drone Days

I have been staring at the monitor for the past ten minutes now. Really.

My mind's been all over the place lately and I can't pin down one thought, much less an idea so I can start jotting down things. There were a lot of events which happened, by the way, this week. We celebrated the World AIDS day with a lot of hype and fun, we had a party for staff who were leaving the project, and --- after so many weeks of being here in Manipur, I was at last, able to climb the prayer mountain. I had sex. That of course, would depend on how one would define sex, but in my own little vocabulary, I had sex.

I would have written about any of those things, but I can't. Now, I am capitalizing on my mediocrity. You say funny, but I think it is pathetic! I know I am not Hemingway or Capote, even the court joker for that matter, but for someone who loves to write, this is un heard of!

I woke up this morning fine --- having slept for more than 9 hours (I sleep for only 4-5 hours daily, FYI). I woke up good, even making myself some nice omelet and instant coffee (I would have loved to have brewed coffee, but I was a bit lazy). I went to church thereafter. I became bored with what the priest was saying so I ended up toying with my thing --- my mobile. I left the church even before the communion and wandered about town singing to Macy Gray on my ipod.

I was walking and singing with a little rain on my face, a draft here and there - Macy Gray booming "I try"on the phones.

Is this the moment I am dreading? The moment of wanton emptiness? The thoughtless hours spent moaning on things I could have written and said? Am I becoming a bee, a drone, a zombie, a lemming?

Are things becoming so routinely sick?

I need to get out of here then!

Groaning like a sick goat, I lounge for the computer and started looking at the screen. I didn't have the epiphany - I was far from that, but I was able to type things down. Not much, but it was a start.

I know you want me to talk about me having sex and all, but I won't. I am not the kiss and tell sorts. The kiss maybe, but definitely not the tell type. Not if you buy me beer. Loads of that! I have the belly to spare now, because I seemed to have lost some waist size (Yep.... I am down to size 30 from size 34!!! Eat your heart out Jackie Lou Blanco!). A feat I believe worthy of more beer!

Successfully, I was able to get throught the void and was able to make this whimsical nonsense. I don't know if Hemmingway had the same issues as I had. Writing I mean. Not some other things like fishing or sex.

The thing is I finished this post for the heck of writing one and aint that great?

I am here to stay. Now.

Signs of the times - Japan

I just have to share this...honestly. These japanese-english signs just cracks me to bits. I think it is courageous for them to put up things like this. Enjoy!

Love or Lust?

Love or lust. Indeed.

This topic has got me thinking so hard that I even brought it during my most my intimate rituals - taking a dump. When Marie gave a comment to one of my posts, I was on the go because I have been (surprisingly) having no crises recently. So it took a while - and a little longer than usual to compose my thoughts. That - and aside from the fact that I have been watching several episodes of the series "Californication"(with David Duchovny). Now this series is funny and intelligent and down to earth. David Duchovny is natural as a down-and-out writer who lost his muse (his former partner) because he seemed to have no direction in life. So, because of the "losses" that he had, he focused on what is easy and accessible - short, quick sex (or one night stands) with any body who gives him the interest.Now the gist is that he still is in love with his former partner with whom he has a child (a teenage daughter).

The series shows a different view on the nature of man. A sensitive, caring and loving father with one love and on the other side, a sex-craze lunatic who would do anything for a quick lay.

So love or lust?

By the mores of society (and the calls of the moralist), love in the purist of its pure form should rule. But looking at today's world, does that exist? Love, I should say is integral and important in maintaining a relationship - be it decent or not. Lust on the other hand is the cookie in a glass jar at the top of the armoire that you can not reach. You can, with a mind like mine. hehehe. Love is understanding. Lust is not. The penis can not understand which direction it points to when lust leads the way. And I dont need to mention people in history who have had downfalls because of lust (and love).

Kidding aside, I can't really say how a man (or a woman) should run his/her relationships -- or their lives for that matter. I again would go back to the beauty of having choices. What we are and what we will be -- will depend on the choices that we make. There are a lot of considerations to make and a lot of tissue paper to wipe (tears or love juices) what ever remains of that decision.

And what happens when both are gone?

This, I think would have to be more important because this will be the measure of a man. Should something come up with either love or lust after nine months, both man and woman should have the guts, balls and all to deal with their responsibilities. I know a lot of people who are faced with this. I know - I am one.

I guess, in answer to Marie's comment would be having the love to look after who's left behind when the lust is gone.

That's no loco. And live with that!