Heart Breaking Christmas Story

I received a call from a friend on Christmas day. I was already asleep when the phone rang. She was in a pub somewhere -- nursing her broken heart - on Christmas day (did I say that already?). She said that after about a year of being together, he decided to call it quits -- on Christmas day! I asked if she was okay and if there is someone with her now (she's bound to make bad decisions when she's gorging on alcohol). She said it doesn't matter because she's sober and intends to go home to her mom's house. She also added that her boyfriend is marrying someone else -- someone who his family had arranged for him.

That was a bummer because nobody gets dumped on Christmas!

A few months ago, when I was introduced to her and her (ex-) boyfriend (who is in the military, by the way), they were planning to have the wedding set on February 14. It will be a love marriage. They met when she was working in Bangalore, and he was stationed there. The guy seemed nice and seemed sincere. He was a gentleman and my friend was gushing all over him.

And so it was that this fairy tale of a love affair in traditional India ends.

I didn't sleep well not because I feel sorry for my friend (I do! I do!), but because in these modern times, half of the world is still bound on traditions. I have nothing against traditions, in fact I love them. I believe that it should be followed for this not only gives us the cultural identity, but it makes draws us closer to our comfort zones. I guess you could say that I am a modern guy with deeply rooted traditional values. At my age, I still mano to my grandparents.

However, when it comes to love, I believe that it should be an individual choice. My mother will not be sleeping with whomever I choose, nor will she have any say in my daily life as a married (or partnered) man. I am lucky to have been born and brought up in a society where the freedom of choice is both a right and a privilege. How many people in this world were given this chance?

I can only feel bad for my friend. I know that she will survive this. She is beautiful and intelligent and kind and successful. She may not belong to the same caste system as this guy is, but she will definitely rise above them all.

I wish, in closing, for women all over the world to have the courage to overcome all circumstances, the freedom to choose and the will to persevere.

Christmas chibai!

Love or Lust?

Love or lust. Indeed.

This topic has got me thinking so hard that I even brought it during my most my intimate rituals - taking a dump. When Marie gave a comment to one of my posts, I was on the go because I have been (surprisingly) having no crises recently. So it took a while - and a little longer than usual to compose my thoughts. That - and aside from the fact that I have been watching several episodes of the series "Californication"(with David Duchovny). Now this series is funny and intelligent and down to earth. David Duchovny is natural as a down-and-out writer who lost his muse (his former partner) because he seemed to have no direction in life. So, because of the "losses" that he had, he focused on what is easy and accessible - short, quick sex (or one night stands) with any body who gives him the interest.Now the gist is that he still is in love with his former partner with whom he has a child (a teenage daughter).

The series shows a different view on the nature of man. A sensitive, caring and loving father with one love and on the other side, a sex-craze lunatic who would do anything for a quick lay.

So love or lust?

By the mores of society (and the calls of the moralist), love in the purist of its pure form should rule. But looking at today's world, does that exist? Love, I should say is integral and important in maintaining a relationship - be it decent or not. Lust on the other hand is the cookie in a glass jar at the top of the armoire that you can not reach. You can, with a mind like mine. hehehe. Love is understanding. Lust is not. The penis can not understand which direction it points to when lust leads the way. And I dont need to mention people in history who have had downfalls because of lust (and love).

Kidding aside, I can't really say how a man (or a woman) should run his/her relationships -- or their lives for that matter. I again would go back to the beauty of having choices. What we are and what we will be -- will depend on the choices that we make. There are a lot of considerations to make and a lot of tissue paper to wipe (tears or love juices) what ever remains of that decision.

And what happens when both are gone?

This, I think would have to be more important because this will be the measure of a man. Should something come up with either love or lust after nine months, both man and woman should have the guts, balls and all to deal with their responsibilities. I know a lot of people who are faced with this. I know - I am one.

I guess, in answer to Marie's comment would be having the love to look after who's left behind when the lust is gone.

That's no loco. And live with that!

Thoughts on World AIDS day

There are things in this world not worth having. I want to disprove this statement.

It’s like the dream you long for, worked hard for, and then you wake up one morning that you are not happy. It’s like the love you have been waiting for, invested so much emotions, so much time and then you realize that you can’t be together. Like having ice cream on a really hot day. You bought it with your last money, and after a few licks, the entire cone slips out of your hand. Like a fatalist who has had an epiphany and then a bus ran through his house striking him dead.

I actually know of this man who has been waiting for a long time to find a partner. He has prepared so well: a house, a car, and some money in the bank. One day he met this beautiful girl in the church and was immediately smitten. After sometime, they got married in the same church where they met. Eight months later, she died because of HIV/AIDS related complications.

I saw him sometime ago in the clinic. He was nice and friendly and just wanted to have someone to talk with. He knew I was not from Manipur. I guess talking to a complete stranger makes him realize how easy it is for feelings to come out. I was there to listen and certainly not to judge him.

He had become HIV positive. I did not know how to react to his story. I was actually a bit insensitive when I asked him if he met our counsellors. The guy just smiled and stood up.

I met him again a couple of days ago. He approached me and after the greetings, he said that he is moving to Delhi. I joked if he found himself a new girl friend.

“I have only one heart and this belongs to the woman I love,” he said. “After all I’ve been through, I could never love another.”

He hit the romantic fool in me. Straight through the heart.

Pondering upon what he said, I realized that there are some things worth having. You know that in the end you may not win, but knowing that you have tried is best the adrenaline rush. Before the heartbreak, was indeed the heart full of love. So what if he ended up loosing her and gained death? It may not have been the best of endings, tragic to an extent, but isn’t finding our love the most important thing of all? So what, in deed?

Many of us swoon on the fantasy of love and being in love. How many of us actually found the one we love? The true one? In this world we question intention after intentions. We tend to believe that whatever we don’t have will never make us happy. In a selfish and egotistical manner, we want that which is convenient and forever at our disposal. In the process, we become cynics. We loose the romanticism.

This man has taught me a lesson. Not just on love but on living.

There are some things not worth having. Love is just not one of them.

This Game Called Love

Marie is trying to set me up with some one – through Facebook. I know that she means well, me being unattached at this age, and at the very grope of loneliness. I have been thinking about it, you know weighing things – at 3 am, as usual. I have thought it best not to go through with the Facebook matching because of the following reasons:

1. There must be better ways to met people. What happened to the good old blind dating? Wouldn’t it be exciting for me to meet some 6-foot tall supermodel? (“How’s the view from down there? Breezy, with a light touch of humidity on the anterior region…”). Sitting in a bar or a resto, trying to look like a teenage boy and girl..

2. I am romantic. Blame it on the hundreds of books that I have read (not the Mills and Boons and Barbara Cartland variety ha? --- More like Twin Valley High…. Hehehehehe), the near thousands of films I have seen (who could go wrong with Sleepless in Seattle, huh?), and of course, my environment.

I have always believed in love and being in love. And despite the ever so growing doubting Thomases in this world, I still hope that there would be someone for me. I have been in good and bad relationships before and I have never regretted any of them. I could probably say that I have managed to maintain friendships with my partners despite separating and growing out of love.

Me and my friends would sometimes discuss about relationships and it would always focus on growing old and alone. We tend, however to forget one important part of this. Choice.

Some have relationships because they WANT to be in a relationship, and others sadly, NEED to be in a relationship. Oftentimes, the results are disastrous. It is hard to be in a relationship just to please other people – say your parents want you to marry because it is not nice to grow old a spinster. And however the outcome is, a choice has to be made beforehand. Should the choice not work, add one notch to your endless stream of experiences. Just hope that you will learn from these bad choices.

I have asked someone before to marry her. She said no, because she wasn’t ready. That was her choice. I broke up with her – that was my choice.

I have recently separated from someone, and though we love each other, the distance that keeps us apart is so painful. That was our choice.

Often people blame fate – but fate is just the road. You choose the road you want to take.
In this game of love, the victors are the ones who choose the right path. And just a thought, though totally unrelated – those who say they can’t survive without love, has not actually seen suffering in this world yet. Go to Africa and lament on the plight of the hungry children!

Anyways, I am thanking Marie for thinking of me. And I don’t deny the fact that I am looking for someone. I also don’t deny the fact that I am getting lonely and worried about getting old alone. Men, by nature are social animals. We need someone, somehow, sometime.

But until I find the one for me, I’ll keep hoping.

And if that doesn't work out, maybe I’ll give the Facebook match a go – when I’m seventy.