Going Giardia

I confess. Until a couple of weeks ago, I have had the worse diarrhea ever. I know that it grosses out some of my friends (particularly Norie) but I am doing this shit story for medical reasons.
As you know, I came back from Bihar last October (the day that I started this blog, actually) and have suffered on the last days in that flood-stricken place. Two days before I finished my work there, I have had severe cramps and explosive foul-smelling diarrhea of the worst kind. I know I either have amoeba or giardia, because I have trodden the shit-laden flood waters of the Bihar. All in a day’s work, you say.

Let me describe the cramps. They occur in no particular time, worst on an empty stomach and much more worse if you have eaten something. You feel a sudden cold sweat running down your spine, followed by a creepy tingling sensation on your skin. The cramps would then set in, starting from the stomach, down to the rectal valve. The next thing you know, you have to head to the nearest bush, praying that a snake will not nip your butt. The bad thing about it is that I am on the go most of the time. I am either walking to assess a village or doing a clinic in a place where the toilet floats in water.

Let’s go now to the smell. So there you are squatting in the bush, feeling nonchalantly like it’s a natural thing, and at the same time trying not to have your trousers and shoes smudged by the greenish watery excreta. You then smell an odor like no other. You think if hell smells like this, then you are probably on it. I can’t fully describe it, but it seems like a mixture of rotten fish and mushroom.

Now the noise. Not only does the sound from the stomach seem upsetting, but the explosion which follows after the shit escapes the cavern is tremendous. I swear people who pass by in that bush must have thought that a nuclear bomb exploded somewhere.

Uh-oh. I will not describe how it looks. I have some responsibilities to readers here. Grossing you out is NOT my intention here. As I said, this is purely medical.

Anyways, so I took Metronidazole, the medicine of choice for this condition (for giardiasis and amoebiasis). Well guess what – I have allergies to Metronidazole! So there I was, having an explosive shit and at the same scratching myself to death! Try to do that for an exercise!
I stopped metronidazole because I looked like Yoda in rashes. Fuck the stomach pains, to hell with the diarrhea. I will not walk around town with a pouting lip, swollen eyes and skin like a duck. I couldn’t eat anything oily, spicy or salty – which is like all the food here in India – so I ended up losing 5 kilos. (I bet Marie France Slimming or Vicky Belo couldn’t do that).

I suffered for like 5 weeks. I go to work and end up running back to the house and straight into the toilet. Nights would be spent running the tap so my house mates will not hear the explosion on the third floor. I have learned to cough along with the musical evacuation and have mastered the technique of moving the buckets around to mute the rectal melodies.

I am cured now. After two Sundays of going to church, God has healed me – not! I took some alcoholic herbal drink which tastes funny but makes you drunk anyway. I’m not going to promote it here but hey.. it really does work. I now scoff at those who make loud noises in the toilet.

Believe it. I am not just making shit here.

The S - Files

My friend Norie would cringe at this. Whenever we had dinner with Tito Roger and Tita Lucy in Vanuatu, the topic which would elicit a lot of reactions (good and bad) would be about shit. Tita Lucy would lovingly hit Tito Roger for bringing the topic up; and Chito and I would relish at the fact that they would loose appetite (less for them, more food for us).

Well, shit, in different forms and names smells the same. Shaizer, etsas, mo-erns, tae. In the Philippines alone, there are more than 10 lingos for the odorous excreta. There is, infact a Bristol stool chart to describe and illustrate the different artistic forms of plain old shit.

Recently I have been in Bihar, the northern state of India bordering Nepal. I was there for an explo/assessment and later came back to start clinics in one of the blocs. Bihar, is the poorest of the Indian states - infrastructure-wise and, probably, with access to education, too. Health education, that is.

As we entered the different districts in the bloc, you could smell the waft of fermented stools in the air. Some have a hint of curry and the others just plain shit sunning under the sun. You could, also see people of different size, age, color and sex, squatting on the side of the road. I tried to focus my gaze on something different, on the floods,for instance or the humid air. I tried to concentrate on my ipod and focus on the nine-hour drive, but all that keeps running in my mind are is the visual terrorism - open field shitting!

A few hours more and we were in the heart of the flooded state. The scene is still the same - men,women and children shitting without a care in the world. I have coined the coined a term: merde al fresco. Mamma mia!

In the few weeks that I was there and my nose became acomodated to the smells, I managed to ask the locals why SIP (Shitting in Public) is common. The guy, stood proud and in a clear voice told me: "We fertilize the earth".

I slightly gagged and secretly hoped that Al Gore was there to witness it.