Weddings:Wonder or Woes?

i am attending my fourth wedding invitation here in manipur. i have been to different kinds of weddings all over the world - from the festive island wedding in vanuatu, to the orthodox christian ceremony in ethiopia, the quiet tribal/christian weddings in ccpur and recently the glamorous wedding in imphal. the recent one in imphal was nice and colorful, though we didn't stay for a long time.

i love weddings. it is a good time to see people in different states of emotions: happiness, especially the parents who'd probably thought "i finally got rid of this person after 30 years"; anxiety ("does this man snore when he sleeps?"); hope ("I finally snagged a man after a long wait"); anger ("why can't i marry sally?") and more anxiety ("how am i going to pay for all these?"). it is also a nice time to see all the glitters (bought, borrowed), the clothes (renovated, re-covered, re-layered and received) and the make -up (minimal, natural and over the top).

all in all, the ceremonyand the formalization is a wonderful event. i think it is nice to say vows and pledge that for the next 6 months i will not sleep with anyone else... or promise that i shall never leave you until the next one comes along.

in the philippines, which has been very americanized in terms of the whole sheebang, a bride MUST wear white. and have a blue garter (no less!) to throw it to the expecting bachelors (or ex-married guys) for the fun of finding his future bride. the event has become a pre-dating bonanza and a matching ceremony for those who are : (1) over 25 years old and not yet married (2) 20 years old and never had a relatioship (3) successful men/women who have the face of a horse (4) mommy's boy/daddy's girl (5) stuck to internet porn (6) masculine women/feminine men (7) was in previously bad relationship and (8) just about for anybody who plays the game.

i know you sense some bitterness in my tone. hehehe. so i have to stop here before i destroy the romantics in you. but should the day come for me to get married, you can rub this blog on my face and say: "that's what you get!".

if there is one thing i love about weddings and you really have to press me on this, i would answer: free food and booze. tough choice, but hey, one's gotta live!

Whose Line Is It, Anyway?

After spending the day reviews medical stocks, I decided to have a nap. As I was browsing through some old magazines hoping to fall asleep amidst the hum of the office generator, one particular article caught my ever-discerning eye: “How to have an effective pick-up line.” Not that I need one desperately, but having been around different people from different nationalities had me thinking maybe I should read this – just in case I need one – someday.

The pick up lines in that article on MW (India’s Men’s Weekly) were not only cheesy but some were downright vulgar. Example: (Use index finger to call one over and then say:) “If I made you come with come with one finger, imagine what I could do with my whole hand.” Yuckk…. Or… “Hi, my name is Milk. I do your body good.” I know some of you might be screaming in your seats right now saying : “what the …” but hey! Let’s face it. In these modern times where relationships mean zilch to a metrosexual, having a good pick up line assures someone of having their needs actually met. At least for that time.

Somewhat related to this, a couple of years ago, in Malawi, in one of the welcome parties I have attended in the capital (Lilongwe), there was a game played (the name of the game escapes me for now) where we all sit in a circle ( about 5 or 6 persons) and you throw a question and every one has to answer. Example: Movies by Quentin Tarrantino. If someone can’t answer then he/she will be a “slave” for a couple of minutes. Pick up lines was one of the categories.

So in honor of these witty (less) remarks, I tried remembering the worst ones my friends and acquaintance had used at certain times of their lives…. And believe me dude, I haven’t used one, yet (defensive? – nope). Here are the dozen cheesy notes, posted in no particular category. Bravo for making me remember them all!

1. I had a wet dream about you last night. Would you like to make it a reality?
2. I’d like to name a multiple orgasm after you.
3. I’ve got a condom with your name on it.
4. That shirt’s very becoming on you. If I were on top of you, you’d be coming too.
5. There are 265 bones in the human body. Would you like to have one more?
6. Are you good in maths? Is 69 a perfect square?
7. Are you lost ma’am? Coz heaven’s along way from here.
8. Did it hurt? …when you fell down from heaven?
9. Can I borrow a quarter? I need to call my mother to tell her I met the woman of my dreams.
10. Hello… I’m a thief and I am here to steal your heart.
11. I have only three months to live….
12. Bond. James Bond.

Waddayathink? You think you could deliver these lines smoothly? Or are you puking your guts out at the intense drama of today’s courtship?

Reviving A Dying Relationship

Two days ago, I had a long chat with a friend I haven't seen (and heard of) for a long time. Chat at this time and age do not mean sitting down and talk face to face (of course, some do it with a camera), but sitting and typing our hearts away. What started as a "hi-hello" , ended with thoughts about long lost loves and coping with the stressful search for sweethearts.

So X (he doesn't want me to mention his name) has been "separated" from his wife, four months after their wedding to work in the US. He is processing his papers, but since this takes time, he continues to do his work in the the Philippines. (A background: x was a school mate in the university, he used to date one of the girls from my class but nothing came out of that for reasons I do not know.) After a year and half of waiting for his papers and intermittently meeting his wife, he decided to call it quits. He said he got "tired".

I probed further on the matter, because you can't say get the hell out of my life to someone for nothing. He was evasive to the point that he was irritated by my questions. In the end, I said my good luck and wished him happiness.

I really don't understand relationships. I know that success in a relationship depends on a lot of things. Mostly it would be on a case to case basis, but the general ingredients should be there: love, trust and the willful desire to make things work out.

My "friend" must have his reasons and he must have NOT seen what he had. Probably it wasn't love at all. Probably it was something else. I have seen people get married for convenience, and I have seen people wrap their hearts in iron cages for the sake of those conveniences.

But that is beside the point. For someone like me who spends a lot of time away from people, including my family, I have yet to learn how to revive a dying relationship and let go when the moment comes. As a doctor, we were taught how to rescucitate the dying -- and when you see the point of no return -- you just have know when to stop. It is a tricky thing for a lot (including me) to hold on to long term relationships HOPING that it might come alive, long after everyone realized that what you are having is buried six feet under. We tend to rationalize, then bargain but most of us never come to accepting the fact that something is supposed to be over.

Love can be forever... and I am so happy for those people who have found themselves in love with the same person. But the recent roll of events has made me question the aspects of love and being in love. I am not cynical. I am a realist. It would certainly hurt the living shit of me should I fall out of a relationship, but that it is life and I have to move on.

Maybe when I find the answer to these I can have a more sturdy look on love and relationships... Maybe it would be the end to queries about mid-life love- panic attacks. And maybe then I could give my "friend" a better advice.

This Game Called Love

Marie is trying to set me up with some one – through Facebook. I know that she means well, me being unattached at this age, and at the very grope of loneliness. I have been thinking about it, you know weighing things – at 3 am, as usual. I have thought it best not to go through with the Facebook matching because of the following reasons:

1. There must be better ways to met people. What happened to the good old blind dating? Wouldn’t it be exciting for me to meet some 6-foot tall supermodel? (“How’s the view from down there? Breezy, with a light touch of humidity on the anterior region…”). Sitting in a bar or a resto, trying to look like a teenage boy and girl..

2. I am romantic. Blame it on the hundreds of books that I have read (not the Mills and Boons and Barbara Cartland variety ha? --- More like Twin Valley High…. Hehehehehe), the near thousands of films I have seen (who could go wrong with Sleepless in Seattle, huh?), and of course, my environment.

I have always believed in love and being in love. And despite the ever so growing doubting Thomases in this world, I still hope that there would be someone for me. I have been in good and bad relationships before and I have never regretted any of them. I could probably say that I have managed to maintain friendships with my partners despite separating and growing out of love.

Me and my friends would sometimes discuss about relationships and it would always focus on growing old and alone. We tend, however to forget one important part of this. Choice.

Some have relationships because they WANT to be in a relationship, and others sadly, NEED to be in a relationship. Oftentimes, the results are disastrous. It is hard to be in a relationship just to please other people – say your parents want you to marry because it is not nice to grow old a spinster. And however the outcome is, a choice has to be made beforehand. Should the choice not work, add one notch to your endless stream of experiences. Just hope that you will learn from these bad choices.

I have asked someone before to marry her. She said no, because she wasn’t ready. That was her choice. I broke up with her – that was my choice.

I have recently separated from someone, and though we love each other, the distance that keeps us apart is so painful. That was our choice.

Often people blame fate – but fate is just the road. You choose the road you want to take.
In this game of love, the victors are the ones who choose the right path. And just a thought, though totally unrelated – those who say they can’t survive without love, has not actually seen suffering in this world yet. Go to Africa and lament on the plight of the hungry children!

Anyways, I am thanking Marie for thinking of me. And I don’t deny the fact that I am looking for someone. I also don’t deny the fact that I am getting lonely and worried about getting old alone. Men, by nature are social animals. We need someone, somehow, sometime.

But until I find the one for me, I’ll keep hoping.

And if that doesn't work out, maybe I’ll give the Facebook match a go – when I’m seventy.