Whose Line Is It, Anyway?

After spending the day reviews medical stocks, I decided to have a nap. As I was browsing through some old magazines hoping to fall asleep amidst the hum of the office generator, one particular article caught my ever-discerning eye: “How to have an effective pick-up line.” Not that I need one desperately, but having been around different people from different nationalities had me thinking maybe I should read this – just in case I need one – someday.

The pick up lines in that article on MW (India’s Men’s Weekly) were not only cheesy but some were downright vulgar. Example: (Use index finger to call one over and then say:) “If I made you come with come with one finger, imagine what I could do with my whole hand.” Yuckk…. Or… “Hi, my name is Milk. I do your body good.” I know some of you might be screaming in your seats right now saying : “what the …” but hey! Let’s face it. In these modern times where relationships mean zilch to a metrosexual, having a good pick up line assures someone of having their needs actually met. At least for that time.

Somewhat related to this, a couple of years ago, in Malawi, in one of the welcome parties I have attended in the capital (Lilongwe), there was a game played (the name of the game escapes me for now) where we all sit in a circle ( about 5 or 6 persons) and you throw a question and every one has to answer. Example: Movies by Quentin Tarrantino. If someone can’t answer then he/she will be a “slave” for a couple of minutes. Pick up lines was one of the categories.

So in honor of these witty (less) remarks, I tried remembering the worst ones my friends and acquaintance had used at certain times of their lives…. And believe me dude, I haven’t used one, yet (defensive? – nope). Here are the dozen cheesy notes, posted in no particular category. Bravo for making me remember them all!

1. I had a wet dream about you last night. Would you like to make it a reality?
2. I’d like to name a multiple orgasm after you.
3. I’ve got a condom with your name on it.
4. That shirt’s very becoming on you. If I were on top of you, you’d be coming too.
5. There are 265 bones in the human body. Would you like to have one more?
6. Are you good in maths? Is 69 a perfect square?
7. Are you lost ma’am? Coz heaven’s along way from here.
8. Did it hurt? …when you fell down from heaven?
9. Can I borrow a quarter? I need to call my mother to tell her I met the woman of my dreams.
10. Hello… I’m a thief and I am here to steal your heart.
11. I have only three months to live….
12. Bond. James Bond.

Waddayathink? You think you could deliver these lines smoothly? Or are you puking your guts out at the intense drama of today’s courtship?